Can I trust Him while He's sleeping...

"Then he got into the boat and his disciples follow him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. BUT JESUS WAS SLEEPING. The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Lord, save us!! We're going to drown!' He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." --Matthew 8:23-26

Wow! Strong words. Here are the things that stand out to me:
1) Despite the chaos and the storm, Jesus was sleeping.
2) The disciples were scared. They woke Jesus so they wouldn't die.
3) He rebuked them for lacking faith and being full of fear! (Ouch! Am I not too fearful too often? Which one am I full of today?)
4) He saved them in the end. Easy. No problem.

Won't He do the same with us?

My devotional said this today: "Does Jesus seem to be sleeping while you face danger? Before you panic, consider this: Perhaps the REAL danger you face is not your difficult circumstance but the possibility that you may not trust God."

What was the danger that day? The waves? The storm? Or their lack of faith? Help me to rid myself of fear by filling myself with faith in my Lord. Then, when the waves get rough, I can sleep in the boat just like Him...trusting Him to take care of me always. Won't you grow my faith, My Lord? Help me to trust You for every moment, every day, every provision. You know my needs far more accurately than I know myself. I defer to You. Won't you take care of me? Rock me to sleep in the midst of the storms...

Cling to the truth...

One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard:
that YOU, O God, are STRONG, and that YOU, O Lord, are LOVING. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done. --Psalm 62:11-12--

This comes from my favorite devotional Alone With God. And I love what the author reminds us. Sorrow will come into our lives. It is inevitable. As he says, "Sorrow is not sin, but it often brings the temptation to sin - particularly with respect to your beliefs about God. There are two GREAT LIES that sorrow promotes:
1) that God is not capable of helping you...
2) that God does not love you enough to help you...

If you believe either of these lies, your faith will be shipwrecked, and your sorrow will overwhelm your soul."

SO TRUE! Time and time again, these are the lies that Satan taunts me with in the midst of sadness. Sadly, I often fall for his lies and buy into them at least partially. Lord, help me to write your word on my soul. That you are STRONG...and that you are LOVING... No matter what happens. No matter how black things seem...

My little ballerina...

My little ballerina is finally finished! I finished her on Tuesday. I'm so excited...and so surprised. I can't believe I made her. I can't believe she came from me. God is so cool in the ways He chooses to work through us. I am so grateful that He gave me the nagging thought to take an art class, and finally had the guts to enroll last semester. For more than one reason...

My God is so good. He continues to amaze me, surprise me, bring forth more than I ever dreamed. May I hang on His every word, every action.

#8) You are always teaching me something...

Today I worked at the Grand Prairie clinic. The provider left last month, so we are all pitching in. Today was my first experience over there. Interesting does not begin to describe it. It was just so different than my normal schedule. And yet, there was a strange excitement in all the issues, not frustration. God has some purpose in it, or some purpose in me...but I don't know what it is yet. But it feels exciting!

First of all, I only saw 9 patients ... when I am used to seeing 25+ patients. So I learned a little bit about slowing down my pace and not racing through my day. I had lots of time to talk to parents - about medicine AND life.

Next, there were several times that a basic request was met with confusion. "What is a spacer?" "We don't have those here." "How do I draw this lab?" I was not trying to do anything complicated - just take care of coughing and wheezing and jaundiced babies. Bread and butter pediatrics. But the questions were honest and the nurses receptive to education. And so I came to have a deeper appreciation for the nurses I work with daily - in the lab, in vacunas, in the clinic. I will think twice before complaining next time. But I also enjoyed my educational opportunities today. And I would like to think that I bettered the place a bit in those moments. I taught them something; I changed things a little for the better. I hope.

And it made me want to come back. It made me want to tackle the project of shaping things at the clinic, shaping the nurses. And I surprised myself with that positive outlook. Serious issues arising, serious answers needed. But today, I felt able to approach them with a positive outlook and a joy for my work, rather than frustration and annoyance with the limitations of people around me.

Don't look now, God...but I might actually be learning something...Maybe You have worked miracles in my heart these 40 days that have nothing to do with boys... THANK YOU!!!

#7) You are extravagant, lavish, excessive in Your affections...

I am at a loss for words. I am overwhelmed with the abundance You have showered on my life. You have blessed me beyond measure with such a large and precious family. And I was in awe of that fact every moment of this weekend.

Thank you for perfect weather Saturday and an Easter Sunday that finally became sunny. Thank you for babies giggling, and children running and playing, and grown ups enjoying each other, and moments for reflection. I felt as if every moment was FULL of love and blessing. And I thank You for that, Heavenly Father.

I am so often whiny and short-sighted and fickle. And yet You love me unflinchingly; You shower me with grace no matter what I do or don't do. And You sent Your precious SON, YOUR FAMILY, Your prized possesion - You sent Him to this Earth to die for me...and to RISE for me. THANK YOU!!! Thank You for watching Your son die; thank you for not intervening; thank You for loving me enough to let that happen. And Thank You Jesus for dying for me. You didn't have to. You could have walked away. You could have disappeared. But You allowed everything to unfold as Your father planned it, so that You might save us all. Your brothers. Your sisters.

All those family words. We are all family - the people we share blood with and the people we have never met. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. Help me feel that glimpse of family in each person I meet everyday...

What kind of party was it???

What kind of party was the Last Supper? I mean, it was a party after all. Even if it doesn't really say so. It was a Jewish festival. Everyone celebrated Passover. It was a big deal. And there must have been lots of eating and drinking and socializing and laughing that took place. So the disciples and Jesus must have had a fun shindig.

But...how did Jesus enjoy it? How was He able to make the most of the time? Only He knew that it was really a going away party for Him. Only He knew what the next day would bring. Only He knew that Judas was ready to betray Him. Only He knew that Peter was about to deny he even knew Him. And yet He was there at the party.

He ate and drank and talked with His friends. I can read the words of the Bible. I know what happened. But I'd love to know what Jesus was thinking, what He was feeling that night. Sad? Mad? Frustrated? Angry? Scared? Confident? Excited? Determined? How did He sit amongst friends and enjoy himself and enjoy their company in spite of the future quickly coming?

Perhaps He thought it best to make the most of the few hours He had left with His friends. Perhaps He drew His strength from His father... Whatever it was, I'd love know...

Overwhelmed...

Today, I have no idea how to put my thoughts into a concise commentary. I am overwhelmed by what happened so long ago. I am hit today by the reality of it. That Jesus went from a party with friends to a death sentence in less than 24 hours. And that countdown has begun...again...

WOW!!!! Such a powerful service tonight. With so many things shining before me. I have no idea how to recount all of the things that Jesus was telling me and showing me tonight. I felt bombarded by images, feelings, realizations, emotions. Wow!

I had my head anointed with oil; I watched pastor wash the feet of teenage boys; I heard the story of the First Passover and saw its significance in the age-old Easter story; I received the Body and Blood of the Lord and partook in the Last Supper - seen with a new perspective. And at the end of the service, I watched as the people of the church stripped the altar bare just as Jesus was stripped of his garments. So powerful! So moving!

The choir sang this song tonight. Powerful!

Christ Has No Body Now But Yours

Christ has no body now but yours, No hands, no feet on earth but yours.
Yours are the eyes with which He sees, Yours are the feet with which he walks,
Yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world.